Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
