I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
