I bet he comes in French.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
