Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
