dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
