So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize