no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
