If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My ass is underappreciated
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
