have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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