So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
