Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm like, not good at living.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
