I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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