God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
