Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize