hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
