Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Help. Why am I so naked?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
