Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
im holly from the hills drunk
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
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It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
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Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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