he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
