If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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