the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
People in love make me want to vomit
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
