I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
