I think I died a long time ago.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize