Sober January is a disaster.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
