just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
