i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
