when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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