Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
