I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
