Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
