One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
