are you so shy because you have an std?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
