I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
