after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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