He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm really busy with my period
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