He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
