then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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