She's JV to your varsity
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
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