I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
