saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
