hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
