so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
