so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
