You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
