if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize