sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
