I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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