if i can run in heels then i can drive
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
