Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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