can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
