she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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