It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
