haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
