Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
