This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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