Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
