it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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