I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i think i just lost a toe
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
