somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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