i was rollin on her like bob the builder
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
