Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
