Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
