my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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