im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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