please come you make the beer taste better
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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