He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
