I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
