I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
No subtext here. People are naked.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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