he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
