WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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