I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
