found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
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I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
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I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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