She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
