Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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