I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
