I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
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Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
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Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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