I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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