sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
