I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We need to rekindle our bromance
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
