My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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