people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Two words: blizzard sex
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
